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Thursday, 3 January 2008


I hate it when I'm not control of my own self. It makes me feel weak. It makes me look bad in front of my homies. Yeah! I know I'm not here to please my homies but only myself, but when you get that feeling that everybody is watching your insides because you've revealed'em [your insides] to them [your homies], then you know that there's absolutely something wrong going on.

There's this girl I really do like, but she doesn't seem to show the same type of interest, so told exactly what was on my mind. but most of what I've said to her was indirectly inspired by my homies. And I remember once, this happened with another girlfriend of mine, and the girl straight told me that if I'm living for my homies, then I'll be lost for good.

I guess I didn't understand what she was talking about until yesterday night.

But the real problem is that I do not have any type of self-control over myself. I don't seem to think straight. Lately, I was having difficulties focusing, part because of smoking weed and drinking alcohol.

When I'm not smoking or drinking, I feel depressed for at least a week or two, but then after, I returned to the same cycle.

So yesterday night, I took a drastic decision, and I hope I'll be able to keep it up, for myself... but also for my future.


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